Have lesbians forgotten what it is we love about women?

           We’re sexy J there is no debate there. I don’t think I have ever heard someone argue that the male body is more attractive than that of the female. Men got the short end of the stick… just the way it is. But ladies, and even men for that matter, is this really why we love women? While I hesitate to speak for everyone I can speak for myself, and I can say without a doubt that the physical beauty of a woman, my physical desire for one, while at times overwhelming, is not the reason I claim myself to be a lesbian.

            The sex is more passionate, this is another claim I hear quite often, and one I have made many times myself. It is a difficult claim to make seeing that if you are gay obviously sex with a woman is going to be more passionate and far more fulfilling. I of course do not think this is the only reason. I feel that the inability of a woman to pleasure herself without the full interaction of the other woman is the reason lesbian sex is more passionate. I’m not going to elaborate seeing that if I do this post will develop into a hot steamy sex passage that would be found in some non-existent, but astounding romance novel. And this is not my point, my enjoyment of sex is not why I consider myself a lesbian.

            I hate to take us back deeper into times of inequality, but I feel it is there that the best picture of a woman can be found, perhaps a man as well, but that is a different topic entirely. Women and men differ. There is no doubt about it. Yes some of us border the line of femininity and masculinity, but we are still women and the soul characteristics of a woman still burn within us. Let us look back upon the ego of a man, the need for subtle sympathy, for praise, and admiration. Let us recall when he were knowledgeable and wanted a woman to recognize his intelligence, let recall when he would become upset with work and we would listen patiently allowing ourselves to spew out words of praise and sympathy to boost his needing ego. I realize that we did not always, our pride at times refused to allow us to do so, but often this is exactly what we did as women. It was not only our role, but our ability. With a smile we can convey a lifetime of love and warmth, we can offer courage, or present contentment. With sturdy eyes we can endure spitting insults, battle prejudice and conquer it. We can destroy a heart with our tears, make a lie the truth with our unshaken words. It seems as though we are abandoning our ability along with our role, but why?

            I’m not sure this is possible to follow, or that my thoughts in anyway connect, but here they are nonetheless. When did we choose to allow romance to die, to become weak because the overwhelming strength is no longer needed?

            What am I talking about? Why do I call myself a lesbian? Well it is fairly simple. I am in love with the strength of women, with their ability to present an array of emotion simultaneously. I am in love with the way a woman can protect but convince another that he/she is protecting. I love the way a woman can lie with loving brilliance, plan elaborately for revenge or for love, and react instantly to the unexpected. I love the way a woman can hide her tears while sharing a bed with another. I love the way she can stand on obligation with need for no other justification. I love the way she can cry when overwhelmed with joy and hold her smile when heartbroken. I love the way she can catch the unwavering gaze of another by running her fingers through her hair, and laugh at her misery. She can understand another without the need to prove their ignorance, she can sympathize with the very person who destroyed her livelihood. I would never say that she does these things in every instant, but she can, and when needed she will.

            We as women have longings. We crave looks of desire, recognition. We want our intelligence to be seen, or abilities appreciated. We know far too well the definition of exhaustion, the depth of sadness, the need to be held. We know, and that combined with our abilities is why I love women. I in no way expect to avoid detestation because I am with such a strong creature. I am well aware that with our strength and many times our selflessness comes pain. I understand that hardships are unavoidable, and the sadness will always find us. I do not think that a woman should rescue me from any of the dreary aspects of life, but in many instances she can. That smile can raise me out of the darkest of places, or send me into them steady and confident. I love women because they can read deeper into my soul craving to understand.

            Yes we can float through, be happy with the amazing sex and beautiful view. We can live on our love for her personality and her quirks. But why should we neglect our ability as women to offer so much more? Some might find this to be a meaningless ramble, and seeing that it is quickly developed with much left out I would understand, but I stand firm on the idea that there is a reason why I find women attractive, there is a reason why I feel that they are the most treasured creature on earth, and despite my inability to describe it properly. I hope that there are others who remember that while her beauty is great, and her touch orgasmic, these are far from the reason why we are lesbian.

The one thing about me that could possibly be seen as a flaw. Don't judge too harshly...

     At a wedding and far too attatched to the bride... and why are things so easy and convenient at times?

     I used to have a horrid view of people who slept around, and of those people who cheat, but I suppose life has changed my views slightly. I said, I have never cheated, but that is not entirely true. I mean it was allowed. My girlfriend thought the idea of an open relationship was a good one, and I agreed. I never made any attempt at anything until she started hitting me and then I started seeing another girl. Now I realize that the proper reaction would be to leave her. Why didn’t I think of that? It hardly matters. I didn’t. For some reason or another it wasn’t an option at the time.

            I have theories on love and relationships, of sex commitment and contentment. I’ve spent a long amount of time thinking about these subjects, but I won’t bore you with my multitude of conclusions. Its not that I have no boundaries, for I most certainly do have boundaries, rather they differ from those of the majority.

            I hate seeing women sad. Sometimes when my friends begin cracking jokes about my seemingly meaningless pursuits I reply by jokingly offering the idea that I hate to see women cry. I want to make them happy, and it is simply the honest truth that many times the most miserably defeated women can be found married to men.

I’ve found there are an astounding number of women who marry men, but will never truly be happy unless they are with a woman. Why? I’m not really sure, but I know that it is true. There are of course those who experiment with women for reasons such as boredom, curiosity or because their husbands find it exhilarating, but those aren’t the women I pursue. In fact I don’t pursue them at all. I would never go into any situation with the purpose of taking someone to bed with me, nor would I attempt to ruin any relationship in which the two sides were content. I’m not trying to justify myself here. If you feel it moral or immoral I’m not trying to change that, but I do, for some reason, want to explain myself a little.